I don't feel like I'm the same person that I was when I wrote my last post. Reading over this blog feels like reading someone else's words and thoughts. That probably sounds pretty dramatic but it's actually probably a pretty normal, healthy circumstance. We're all growing and changing, especially during this time in life, when we're making life decisions and figuring out who we really are and who we want to be.
I've made some interesting self-discoveries this semester. Some things I already knew, but not so clearly and other things were kind of a shock to me. One thing I realized is that I am a people-pleaser and that I could get into a lot of trouble for that. I realized how much everything I do is influenced by what other people think and want instead of what I really believe and think is right. Growing up means taking responsibility for your own actions and following the dictates of your own conscience. So I've been trying to work on doing that, but it isn't easy. I didn't even realize how much I depended on other people's convictions before I earnestly started thinking for myself.
Another thing I've learned is that it is possible to bite off more than you can chew. I definitely did that this semester and it's been a struggle. I enjoyed everything I was doing but it was too much and the stress made me resent even the things I loved doing. The result is that I've changed my major to a B.A. in Music instead of a B.M. in Piano Performance. I will never have to take an overload of credits again and I will definitely be able to graduate on time. I'll also have time to take a creative writing minor, which is really exciting since writing is one of my favorite things to do. It wasn't an easy decision but I know that it was the right decision and that it is what I really want.
A month ago tomorrow I started dating one of the percussionists in Symphonic Band. His name is Josh. He is pretty amazing. We have pretty great times together. I kind of like him a lot. :) I'm so thankful that we've been given the opportunity to be best friends and support each other during this time in our life. No one can know what tomorrow holds or where our paths will take us, but I know that no matter what happens in the future I'm never going to regret this friendship because it has taught me so much and helped me to grow and mature. He has already been there for me in so many ways and the discussions we've had have stimulated my thinking and caused me to really think through things I hadn't before.
I don't know if anyone will read this or if it will just look like rambling to those who do take the time to skim this, but I hope that if you are reading it and you are someone who struggles with caring too much about what other people think... that you will take a step back and consider if it's really worth it. Thinking for yourself and making your decisions is a little scary but it's also liberating and will cause you to become a deeper, more well-rounded and well-grounded individual. Just some thoughts.
Thanks for stopping by.
