A lot of times I feel like I'm lost. Like everyone else knows what's going on besides me. I'm pretty used to it now. It bothered me when I first came to school and took a while for me to get comfortable being different and part of that involved finding out what kind of different I really am. They say this is the time of your life when that happens, so that's cool. But I was listening to the Lumineers tonight and thinking about good times I've had and it just kind of reminded me of all the times in my life when I really felt like I belonged, like things were the way they should be. I'm guessing a lot of people know that feeling. Maybe I'm the only one, but I don't think so.
These are the places I've felt at home: In a living room with friends playing Monopoly and listening to Celtic Thunder and drinking Coke with my best writer friend. Reading her fantasy story, which she never finished. :-P Watching Jane Austen movies with my mom. Alone in my bedroom in Virginia during a thunderstorm, with a cup of tea in my hand. All those hours I spent writing Broken Things. Watching Psych with friends and singing the theme song too many times. Being a part of Voices United and going to the practices with the Smiths. Listening to Bobby McFerrin with my Russian piano teacher.
Going to Outback with friends and listening to the Lumineers and eating cheese fries for the first time. Going to the DMV with the same friends on a whim because it was exam week and it was fun. All the summer weekends with my boyfriend at his house. Being in his arms, hanging out with his family, or all those thought-provoking conversations. Watching Foyle's War or Numb3rs with my family. Making note cards out of scrapbook paper and drinking sweet tea (with lemon!) out of mason jars with friends. Reading Game of Thrones. The feeling of a finding a new friend when the whole world seems to have gone dark. The film festivals.
Going to the library and studying with my best friend - studying which involved finding Scarlatti sonatas and Liszt waltzes and eating doughnuts. My 11th birthday party at my first piano teacher's house - my teacher gave me my first Bach CD and her sister made me cupcakes. Playing spoons on my 20th birthday. Working with Maria at McDonald's (as greasy and stressful as it was) and knowing I was meeting her perfectionist standards. Talking to my sister on video chat tonight. Bob and Matt, who listened to my story ideas instead of watching the super bowl.
Saturday mornings in my piano teacher's studio, practicing and memorizing and knowing she cares enough to give me as many extra lessons as it takes. My sophomore review. Singing in Women's Chorale in chapel and especially the concerts - the culmination of hours of rehearsals and hard work. Introducing Josh to my family in Disney World. The feeling when I finally memorize a piece - times a million when I perform it well from memory. Teaching piano and the dedication of my students who inspired me to be a better teacher. Babysitting the kids across the street.
Cherry Coke and pizza and painting my room and the High Kings. The smell of freshly mowed grass and a summer breeze through open windows. Swimming with Josh's cousins in their pool. Listening to Redwall. My mom reading Stuart Little, Dominick, The Thirteen Clocks and many other books out loud to us when we were kids. Being called "Aunt Emily." Being part of my "fish group" during the agony of college orientation. Seeing the sun rise on the intracoastal.
There were times in my life so good that I thought they would never end or change and some things so bad that I couldn't see how anything good could happen. But life goes back and forth like that, and during the good times it's important to appreciate it and during the bad times, it's important to know that it won't last forever. In the past year, I've lost friends that I thought would stick by me forever and I've made friends I never imagined I would have. But still life goes on, and no matter what, everything is a learning experience for tomorrow.
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