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| Modeling the earrings my sister made me. |
So much going on all the time! It's so hard to keep up with anything, especially this poor blog. :-/
For one thing, I've been sick since forever. I kind of got better over Christmas break - not completely, but almost. And the progress I did make was pretty much because I did almost nothing but sleep for those four weeks. When I got back to school I felt even better - this time completely better - in the warm, sunny air. For a little bit. Like, two weeks to be exact. Then I picked up the sickness everyone else was getting, but unlike with everyone else, it has remained loyal to me for a month now. :-P
Besides being sick though, I'm really enjoying this semester. I feel like I am learning a lot and that I am being challenged without being overwhelmed. I'm learning a bunch of new pieces which is exciting. I'm playing several composers that I have either never played before or have barely touched the surface of their works, as well as composers that are old friends to me: Scarlatti, Prokofiev, Tchaikovsky, Beethoven, and Chopin. I'm also working on a Schumann sonata that I'm trying to get to a performable level by next February. So it's been fun. :) I feel like I'm finally starting to recover from the two-year break I took from piano during high school.
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| When I first got back from break in January. |
Of course. . . I'm sure you are all dying to know about the boyfriend situation! ;-) (And by "you all" I mean my five readers. hahaha :-P) Well... things are going super well. I feel like we took things kind of fast in the beginning and covered a lot of serious topics really quickly, but now we are slowing down and things are getting easier as we get to know each other better. We took the Myers-Briggs personality test and we have personalities that are supposed to be really compatible, so we have that on our side! haha Yeah, I mean, what can I say? I am happy. Josh is like the ideal boyfriend. You know all those endless posts on Pinterest about, "I wish I had a boyfriend that...."?? He's that boyfriend. It's not always easy and it's not always fun, but overall this has been one of the best experiences of my life and I know I will always be grateful for it no matter what happens in the future. I am learning so much about myself and about life and about God through this relationship. I wouldn't trade it for anything.
There have been unhappy times this semester too. Something I've realized about myself, more than I ever had before, is how easily I let myself be controlled by other people. It may be part of my people-pleasing personality, as I mentioned in my last post. I seem to have this desperation for the approval of my friends, family, and really anyone I ever meet. This is extremely dangerous for obvious reasons. I have realized that many of my "beliefs" and "convictions" are based on trusting other people to tell me what to think. Besides even that though, it can be very dangerous if I am around people who want to control me and manipulate me. I have found myself in this situation a few times and it is always extremely painful when the time of truth comes. I sometimes wonder if I have built entire friendships based on what I thought was "having a lot in common" when in reality, it was just me following their every whim and desire. Then, when I decide at last to do what I think is right at a time of disagreement, the friendship necessarily crumbles. I could easily see myself as a victim in this situation, but I realize that I am also very much to fault. Because I did not take the trouble of being an individual in the first place, the friendship took off and grew and seemingly flourished, only to disappoint both of us when it suddenly died later.
It is a monumental task to be an individual, especially when it does not come naturally to you. To rise above what would be easy. To stop going along with the "crowd." To not simply believe what you are told. To be a skeptic. To research and study and search for the truth. To say, "I love you, but I disagree with you." To stand on your own convictions though it cost you friendships. To refrain from harboring bitterness against those who resent your individuality. To remain kind and patient to all, though it feels as if some of them are sticking knives through your heart. It seems nearly impossible and even scary, to me. However, many things that have seemed impossible were made possible by God, even in my own personal experiences already. So I will trust that He will help me to become more of an individual, to become more Christ-like. To become the person He wants me to be, and not the person(s) everyone else wants me to be.
"And I will bring the blind by a way that they knew not; I will lead them in paths that they have not known: I will make darkness light before them, and crooked things straight. These things will I do unto them, and not forsake them." Isaiah 42:16
