Since I last posted. . .

Modeling the earrings my sister made me. 

So much going on all the time! It's so hard to keep up with anything, especially this poor blog. :-/ 

For one thing, I've been sick since forever. I kind of got better over Christmas break - not completely, but almost. And the progress I did make was pretty much because I did almost nothing but sleep for those four weeks. When I got back to school I felt even better - this time completely better - in the warm, sunny air. For a little bit. Like, two weeks to be exact. Then I picked up the sickness everyone else was getting, but unlike with everyone else, it has remained loyal to me for a month now. :-P

Besides being sick though, I'm really enjoying this semester. I feel like I am learning a lot and that I am being challenged without being overwhelmed. I'm learning a bunch of new pieces which is exciting. I'm playing several composers that I have either never played before or have barely touched the surface of their works, as well as composers that are old friends to me: Scarlatti, Prokofiev, Tchaikovsky, Beethoven, and Chopin. I'm also working on a Schumann sonata that I'm trying to get to a performable level by next February. So it's been fun. :) I feel like I'm finally starting to recover from the two-year break I took from piano during high school. 

When I first got back from break in January.

Of course. . . I'm sure you are all dying to know about the boyfriend situation! ;-) (And by "you all" I mean my five readers. hahaha :-P) Well... things are going super well. I feel like we took things kind of fast in the beginning and covered a lot of serious topics really quickly, but now we are slowing down and things are getting easier as we get to know each other better. We took the Myers-Briggs personality test and we have personalities that are supposed to be really compatible, so we have that on our side! haha Yeah, I mean, what can I say? I am happy. Josh is like the ideal boyfriend. You know all those endless posts on Pinterest about, "I wish I had a boyfriend that...."?? He's that boyfriend. It's not always easy and it's not always fun, but overall this has been one of the best experiences of my life and I know I will always be grateful for it no matter what happens in the future. I am learning so much about myself and about life and about God through this relationship. I wouldn't trade it for anything. 

There have been unhappy times this semester too. Something I've realized about myself, more than I ever had before, is how easily I let myself be controlled by other people. It may be part of my people-pleasing personality, as I mentioned in my last post. I seem to have this desperation for the approval of my friends, family, and really anyone I ever meet. This is extremely dangerous for obvious reasons. I have realized that many of my "beliefs" and "convictions" are based on trusting other people to tell me what to think. Besides even that though, it can be very dangerous if I am around people who want to control me and manipulate me. I have found myself in this situation a few times and it is always extremely painful when the time of truth comes. I sometimes wonder if I have built entire friendships based on what I thought was "having a lot in common" when in reality, it was just me following their every whim and desire. Then, when I decide at last to do what I think is right at a time of disagreement, the friendship necessarily crumbles. I could easily see myself as a victim in this situation, but I realize that I am also very much to fault. Because I did not take the trouble of being an individual in the first place, the friendship took off and grew and seemingly flourished, only to disappoint both of us when it suddenly died later. 

It is a monumental task to be an individual, especially when it does not come naturally to you. To rise above what would be easy. To stop going along with the "crowd." To not simply believe what you are told. To be a skeptic. To research and study and search for the truth. To say, "I love you, but I disagree with you." To stand on your own convictions though it cost you friendships. To refrain from harboring bitterness against those who resent your individuality. To remain kind and patient to all, though it feels as if some of them are sticking knives through your heart. It seems nearly impossible and even scary, to me. However, many things that have seemed impossible were made possible by God, even in my own personal experiences already. So I will trust that He will help me to become more of an individual, to become more Christ-like. To become the person He wants me to be, and not the person(s) everyone else wants me to be. 

"And I will bring the blind by a way that they knew not; I will lead them in paths that they have not known: I will make darkness light before them, and crooked things straight. These things will I do unto them, and not forsake them." Isaiah 42:16

I don't even know where to begin...

I don't feel like I'm the same person that I was when I wrote my last post. Reading over this blog feels like reading someone else's words and thoughts. That probably sounds pretty dramatic but it's actually probably a pretty normal, healthy circumstance. We're all growing and changing, especially during this time in life, when we're making life decisions and figuring out who we really are and who we want to be.

I've made some interesting self-discoveries this semester. Some things I already knew, but not so clearly and other things were kind of a shock to me. One thing I realized is that I am a people-pleaser and that I could get into a lot of trouble for that. I realized how much everything I do is influenced by what other people think and want instead of what I really believe and think is right. Growing up means taking responsibility for your own actions and following the dictates of your own conscience. So I've been trying to work on doing that, but it isn't easy. I didn't even realize how much I depended on other people's convictions before I earnestly started thinking for myself.

Another thing I've learned is that it is possible to bite off more than you can chew. I definitely did that this semester and it's been a struggle. I enjoyed everything I was doing but it was too much and the stress made me resent even the things I loved doing. The result is that I've changed my major to a B.A. in Music instead of a B.M. in Piano Performance. I will never have to take an overload of credits again and I will definitely be able to graduate on time. I'll also have time to take a creative writing minor, which is really exciting since writing is one of my favorite things to do. It wasn't an easy decision but I know that it was the right decision and that it is what I really want.

A month ago tomorrow I started dating one of the percussionists in Symphonic Band. His name is Josh. He is pretty amazing. We have pretty great times together. I kind of like him a lot. :) I'm so thankful that we've been given the opportunity to be best friends and support each other during this time in our life. No one can know what tomorrow holds or where our paths will take us, but I know that no matter what happens in the future I'm never going to regret this friendship because it has taught me so much and helped me to grow and mature. He has already been there for me in so many ways and the discussions we've had have stimulated my thinking and caused me to really think through things I hadn't before.

I don't know if anyone will read this or if it will just look like rambling to those who do take the time to skim this, but I hope that if you are reading it and you are someone who struggles with caring too much about what other people think... that you will take a step back and consider if it's really worth it. Thinking for yourself and making your decisions is a little scary but it's also liberating and will cause you to become a deeper, more well-rounded and well-grounded individual. Just some thoughts.

Thanks for stopping by.

Back on Campus

I arrived back at school on Wednesday afternoon and moved into the apartment I'll be sharing with four other girls this year. It's looking pretty snazzy so far. Of course, every place has it's quirks - bathrooms without fans, faucets that work backwards (usually), outlets randomly placed 2/3 up the wall, and a disposal that spits food back up from time to time. But all in all it's a sweet little place and I love it.

All of my roommates/suitemates are cool and tonight we're going to have a taco dinner to break the ice and get to know each other better. Should be loads of fun.

I've really enjoyed running into familiar peeps around campus, reuniting with old friends, and making some new ones too. It's looking like it's going to be a good year.

I'm going to be working two jobs this year and taking 18 credits. I have no idea how it's all going to work out, but I'm excited about all of it. The highlights include being a peer mentor along with another Emily - a good friend of mine - to the Honors students, learning to play the organ, giving my first college recital (AHHHHH), and making all sorts of yummy deliciousness in our kitchen.

Hopefully I'll have a minute here or there to post something here again before Christmas break! :-D

Hellooooooooo Out There!

I know, I know, it's been forever since I last posted and I'm sure you all have been dying of anticipation for my next blog post. ;-) I apologize.

But honestly, I haven't had two seconds put together! It's amazing how quickly time can go by when you're working. Already I've been home a month and in some ways I feel like I never left. Life goes on at McD's the same as always - crazy, busy, stressful and yet somehow retaining an element of fun, creativity and adventure. It helps that I've rekindled some old friendships from last summer and made a few new ones as well.

However, for the time being, I've asked to cut back on my hours so I can focus on practicing piano and writing scholarship essays. I tried working full time and still keeping up with piano and such, but that was just definitely not happening. It's a bit of a risk, but I think a safer one than going an entire summer without practicing. Let's hope those essays come through! (Loving to write has to come in handy sometime, right?)

Besides practicing and writing, I'm also trying to get in my 45 volunteer hours before I go back to school. If you know of anything I can do to earn them, let me know! :)

It's raining here at my little house in the woods. The sky is dark and stormy and I'm inside, cuddled in my blue and yellow rag quilt with a hot cup of Constant Comment tea. If you don't know what Constant Comment tea is, you should try it. But now I'm just rambling.

I don't have any pictures to post of me or my family or stuff around me today. And I'm too lazy to take one. But I saw the coolest kitchen ever the other day, and as this is kind of random post, it should fit on here perfectly. I saw it and fell in love and said to myself, "Self, I would very much like to have a kitchen like that someday." So I pinned it.

I mean, is that not fab?

Anyway, hope you all are enjoying your summer and staying well and happy! Adios! 

I'm Going to a Party

A choir party to be exact. I love choir parties. Actually, I just really love choir and choir parties are like everything good about choir plus good food and extra time with choir friends.

My sister decided to make a cheese ball. Cheese balls are pretty awesome.

Sarah is pretty awesome. 

I decided to make brownies. Brownies are my favorite. 

I like brownies so much I borrowed a friend's kitchen twice last semester to make them, aided by my accomplice, Cara. 

I miss her. We're going to make brownies and lots of other stuff next semester in our very own beautiful kitchen. We will have parties of epic proportions. B-) 

Well, I will see you all later. . . I have some brownies I need to taste-test!